Shelley Stoehr

January 1, 1970

This is an interview I did recently with a fifteen year old girl named Nicky who self injures, she wanted to share her experiences:

1. How old were you when you first began cutting?
i began at 12 years old

2. Do you remember your first experience cutting? yes
What brought it on? i have had some problems with my weight for years
now..
recently i found out it was due to a condition i have called PCOS Poly
Cystic Ovaries. What did you cut with a kitchen knife but know i use a
razor. and why? i just felt the sudden urge to cut i don't know why i
just
did it. How did it make you feel? at first relieved then i wanted to do
more.. and more.

3. Have you ever tried to stop cutting? yes If so, what
have you tried and has it worked at all? yes i have and it doesn't
really
work i don't really have will power i tried throwing blades away but i
just
found more , i always Find something to cut with i get desperate
sometimes
and break glasses..

4. What triggers your self injuring? if i have a particular bad
argument
with someone or if i get depressed or if i have had a very UNpleasant
shock..

5. What are some other things you think would help
you cope? there is a thing called a 'happy box' you are supposed to put
things in that make you smile , then when you get the
urge to cut you look in there and all your feelings dissapear , i have
not
tried this yet but i am hoping to set aside some time to do so.

6. does anyone know you're a cutter? If so, what are
the reactions? my best friends know they were shocked at first but
they
support me in any way they can and will do anything to help me. My
family
know (close family mum dad brothers etc..) but they barely acknowledge
it
and do not say anything if they notice recent or fairly recent cuts.

7. How do you feel about being a cutter? Does it
make you feel embarrassed? Ashamed? Proud? In
control? Out of control? i feel a little embarrassed and ashamed about
what
i do.. and in control but after i feel stupid i get around an hour of
good
feelings then i just plummet.

8. Is there anyone close to you with whom you can
talk about your problems? yes my best friends are always there and have
saved my life.. if it weren't for them i would not be alive. Have you
ever
tried using
some of the online bulletin boards to talk about your
feelings and cutting? yes it has helped very much i use a website
called
Psyke it can be found at www.Psyke.org

9. Please share anything else you have to say about
self injuring, for other SI's or people interested in
helping a friend or family member with SI. : please do not ignore it as
it
makes it worse , alternatively do not harrass the person who SI's do
not
check for marks or throw razors / knives away. treat them normally and
ask
regularly if they would like to talk about it , if they don't please do
not
push the subject as it can be very awkequerd(Sp?) and potentially
embarrassing. And for other Si's i can't really think of anything to
say
right now.. but here is my email address and i hope you will add me to
msn
or email me as i want to help as much as i can : xSilentxTearsx@msn.com